• Jean-Luc, my Kindle.
• This organized list of recommendations I’m working on for TVRecs.
• My homework. No, really. My Media Publishing class is basically teaching me how to Photoshop, and I’m just like, “FINALLY.”
• This ice cream sandwich. (Not really, but I had to go for the reference)

• PartyAtJimmyNovaks
• NatsterDotCom
• JaredPadaducky
• LevAndLetDie

Okay. Seriously going to bed now.

• The Wire.
• Ben & Jerry’s Carrot Cake ice cream.
• How confident I feel today.
• Epic Meal Time.
• This cold glass of water that I’m enjoying with my ice cream. It is refreshing. Me gusta.

I should preface this list by saying that I am a giant wimp. I love horror movies, but I rarely watch them because sometimes I like to sleep at night. Even so, I’ve seen a fair share, enough to compile a list as to why I’m going to survive one, and in my movie-watching experience I have seen things that I will never forget. So here is a list of movie moments that scared the hell out of me.

• The Arm Wrestling Scene from The Fly. The Fly isn’t the scariest of movies, but the arm wrestling scene might have ruined a part of my childhood. When the guy’s bone popped out of his arm, I vividly remember my older cousins whooping and pumping their fists, ultimately doing nothing to subvert expectations. I, on the other hand, was not a teenage boy. I screamed, partially out of horror and partially because of the sheer shock of it, and burrowed under my blanket while my cousins laughed and tried valiantly to coax me out. No such luck, cousins. Dude’s bone was out of his frickin’ arm.
• The chestburster kills Kane in Alien. My cousins and I watched this movie when I was only 6. Be that as it may, I knew something was wrong when the alien latched onto John Hurt’s face but didn’t kill him. Anticipating my trademark “hide-under-the-blanket” routine, my one cousin wrapped me in a bear hug while the other tossed the blanket across the room. I was totally defenseless, forced to watch as the alien burst out of John Hurt’s chest, ruining dinner and unleashing other-worldly terror on the crew of the Nostromo.
• David buries the body in Shallow Grave. My love of Ewan McGregor brought on this terrifying scene. My grandmother had fallen asleep while babysitting me, and I somehow found the movie on TV. In the movie, in order to make a dead body unrecognizable before they bury it, three roommates decide to cut off the hands and feet and smash the teeth in with a hammer. The task falls to mild-mannered David (Christopher Eccleston), who begrudgingly carries out the task. The actual scene isn’t gory, but I was still alarmed and ultimately shaken by the horrible, squelching noises and the shadow cast as poor David mutilated the corpse.
• The raptors in the kitchen in Jurassic Park. THERE WERE RAPTORS IN THE KITCHEN. WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED ME TO SAY?
• The eye-cutting scene from Un Chien Andalou. I have a thing about eyes in general, and there was enough bravado with the razor sharpening that I was able to actually cover my eyes before I saw it, but my imagination pretty much filled in the gaps. It was one of the only times that I’ve ever covered my eyes in a film class.

Already done:

• Arrested Development
• Modern Family
• Dexter
• Supernatural
• The Borgias
• Freaks and Geeks
• Heroes
• Fawlty Towers
• Eastbound and Down
• Flight of the Conchords
• Happy Endings
• Harvey Birdman
• Lost
• Mad Men
• Moonlight
• Teen Titans
• True Blood
• The Tudors
• Robin Hood

Need to finish:

• ER
• Gundam Wing
• Justice League
• NCIS
• Outlaw Star
• The Pretender
• Torchwood

• Call home and figure out what’s going on with my grandfather’s funeral.
• Financial Aid.
• TV Summaries.
• Finish unpacking all of my stuff.
• Get ready for Amanda’s visit next weekend.
• Rob a bank to support my terrible monetary decisions.

• Become actually good at journalistic writing.
• Pass all of my classes with impressive and fabulous marks (side note: just go a mental image of the letter A wearing a sassy scarf.)
• Go to Raleigh to visit Sally and Jason because they are awesome.
• Work my way through that list of shows that I need to watch.
• Write an actual story.
• Find a new means of gainful employment. Cause I don’t think I can Food Lion anymore.

 This is not a list based on accurate translation of book to film. It’s just a list of movies that I enjoy that happened to also be books. I’m also gonna go ahead and say that this is not a complete list. It’s just whatever I happen to think of in the next fifteen minutes.

• Full Metal Jacket: I really don’t care what anyone says. This is probably my favorite Kubrick film, with Dr. Strangelove at a close second.
• Babe: Yeah. It’s a kid’s film about a talking pig. It’s also totally awesome. Go on. Say something. I dare you.
• Psycho: Promoting shower safety for over 50 years. Might be my favorite Hitchcock film, easily my favorite scary movie.
• The Green Mile: Am I ashamed of my love for Tom Hanks? No. Not at all. Not ever. This brings me to my next movie.
• Forrest Gump: Is it weird that this is one of my go-to feel-good movies, even though I always cry at the end? I don’t think so.
• Lord of The Rings: The Two Towers: I love all of them, but Two Towers was my favorite book, and I appreciated the movie because it was all of the wonder of the book without the horrific nightmare of Shelob.
• The Princess Bride: “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” Enough said.
• The Godfather: I don’t feel that I have to put an explanation down for this one.
• Casino Royale: At the risk of being beaten to death by my Connery-loving family, I have no shame in admitting that Daniel Craig is my favorite Bond, and Casino Royale is the stronger of Craig’s Bond films. (Make no mistake, though. I love Quantum of Solace too.)
• Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang: I’ll go ahead and take the shame and admit that I didn’t even know this was a book. But as it is a book, and I do love the movie with most of my soul…

Again, this is not a complete list. It’s not even a list of my most favorite book-based movies. These were pretty much the first ten that popped into my head.

Because I have either fallen tragically behind on these shows or have been putting them off for ages and ages and, really, this is more important than school or work or having a proper social life.

Catch-Up

• Burn Notice
• It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
• Nurse Jackie
• United States of Tara
• Being Human (UK)
• NCIS
• Camelot
• Merlin
• Mad Men

Quit Putting Off

• Miranda
• Life on Mars (UK)
• Ashes to Ashes
• The Sopranos
• The Wire
• Breaking Bad
• Rome
• Carnivale
• Weeds
• The Mentalist
• Vampire Diaries
• Gossip Girl

NBC

• Community: Returning Thursday, 22 September at 8:00 EST.
• Grimm: Premiering Friday, 21 October at 9:00 EST.*

CBS

• 2 Broke Girls: Premiering Monday, 19 September at 9:30 EST
• Hawaii Five-0: Returning Monday, 19 September at 10:00 EST
• Criminal Minds: Returning Wednesday, 21 September at 9:00 EST
• The Big Bang Theory: Returning Thursday, 22 September at 8:00 EST

ABC

• Modern Family: Returning Wednesday, 21 September at 9:00 EST**
• Charlie’s Angels: Premiering Thursday, 22 September at 8:00 EST***
• Happy Endings: Returning Wednesday, 28 September at 9:30 EST**

CW

• Supernatural: Returning Friday, 23 September at 9:00 EST

I’m still waiting on premiere dates for some of my other shows (Psych and Dexter, for example), but I figured that this list made me look like enough of a social recluse.

Edit: Apparently, both Psych and Dexter return in October. While Psych doesn’t have a set date yet, Dexter returns to Showtime on Sunday, 2 October. I’m guessing it’ll fill the 9:00 slot, but I’m not sure.

 *Sorry, Grimm, but I’ll have to record you and watch you later because Supernatural comes first. But I’m sure you’ll be perfectly lovely, and I look forward to meeting you.

**As much as I love these shows, nothing overrides my insane need for more Criminal Minds.

***I first of all need to know that a remake of one of my favorite childhood shows is being handled with the proper care before I even try to watch it (Hint: Hawaii Five-0 is doing it right. Take a page out.). Also, I love The Big Bang Theory, so… yeah.

Here’s the situation: I have a ton of iTunes credit. And I want to spend it. All of it.

SO.

I’m looking for music recs.

For Reference, here’s some bands/artists that I love with my soul.

• The Beatles
• Bob Dylan
• Johnny Cash
• The Who
• Led Zeppelin
• The Kinks
• Queen
• David Bowie
• Jason Mraz
• Jamie Cullum
• Frank Sinatra
• Michael Buble
• Panic! at the Disco
• Fun.
• Muse
• Vampire Weekend
• The Darkness
• Bloodhound Gang

So, yeah. I’m pretty much down for anything.

• These Oreos. They are delicious. And they are baller.
• This glass of milk. Complimentary to the Oreos. Also baller.
• Robb Stark’s face. All over my dash. Being beautiful.
• Cantaloupe. I don’t have any. But the thought of it makes me smile.
• The Office. I am catching up on it. I love it. I love that Ryan is trying to be James Franco. I love Oscar playing Words with Friends with Gabe. I love the Dallas board game. I love Andy. Just Andy in general.
• The fact that Kay and I are gonna watch Mad Men tomorrow.
• That funny sound that happens when you pull the cork out of a whiskey bottle. I’m not drinking, but Chris was taking shots, and the noise was amusing like in a cartoon.

Because I haven’t honestly sat down and read anything in a while, here is a list of the books that are going to happen to me.

• Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett because everyone has been telling me to read it, and I picked it up while I was in Charleston, and I’ve only read the prologue, and I’m already in love with Crowley.
• The Shining by Steven King because I’ve never read it, and I am more than a little ashamed of that. It’s also a good reason for me to rewatch the movie (because I haven’t seen it in years) and write a comparative essay that no one asked me to write. I regret nothing.
• A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin because I love Game of Thrones. I might put this one off a little, only because I hear that the next book comes out in July, and I don’t want to read through them before then and be stuck on some sort of hellish cliffhanger.
• The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins because I feel like I’m the only one on the planet that hasn’t read them, and I’d ideally like to read them before the movie comes out.
• No Man’s Land by Greg Rucka (again) because it is a novelization of one of my favorite Batman storylines ever, and I love Rucka’s style, especially when he’s dealing with Bane and The Huntress. Yes, I’ve read it many, many times, but I don’t even care. It makes me happy.
• The Vampire Diaries series by L.J. Smith. Do not judge my life. I would’ve read them already, but every time I went to the bookstore, they were inexplicably missing the first book. But I have a Kindle and virtually no scruples vis a vis downloading books from the internet. The day is mine.

And that’s all I can think of for now. If you lovely, lovely people happen to have any suggestions, I am more than open to hear them.

1.) Because I am aware of my surroundings and my own weaknesses. I fit the “comic relief” and “token minority” roles, but I know this and can use it to my advantage. The comic relief is never the first death, so I just have to be aware of the people around me. If the group’s skank goes missing, you best believe I am getting the hell out of where ever I am/barricading myself with food, water, and a loaded shot-gun/salt/whatever exorcism I might need. I know that I can survive if I avoid survivors/descendants of people who have survived massacres and surround myself with people that are dumber/more morally corrupt than me.

2.) Because I am a horrible, horrible person. This can work against me because for some reason the killer always goes for the horrible person (maybe it’s karma, or some weird fourth-wall-breaching sense of katharsis?), but if you are a certain kind of terrible, you can totally make it out okay.

Don’t: Trip someone else in your group as you’re making a run for it.

Do: Destroy any creepy children/possessed dolls/sweet-looking old lady that come within striking range.

3.) Because I make a point to avoid abandoned camp grounds, homes built on Indian burial grounds, places adjacent to cemeteries, remote cabins surrounded by wilderness, streets named “Elm,” towns where large massacres have occurred in the past, towns that appear to have been hastily abandoned, places near research facilities that specialize in foreign viruses that may cause zombie-like behavior or genetic experiments, and ridiculously large shopping malls.

4.) Because I know better than to trifle with potentially demonic forces. Cast a spell to open the Ninth Gate so that I can make myself rich? I think not. Bring someone back from the dead? No, thanks. Also, if someone in the group is being possessed, I will not hesitate to neutralize them. That goes double for anyone who is possessed but then acts all normal again. You don’t fool me, trifle friend. And if you actually are normal again, I apologize, but I cannot jeopardize the safety of the entire group (and more importantly myself) by allowing you to live. It’s not personal.

5.) Because if I hear a noise, I am NOT going to go investigate it. Nor will I ever say anything like, “I’ll be right back!” or “Did you guys hear something?” or “Let’s split up!” Most of all, I will never ask, “Who’s there?” I know who’s there. It’s the killer, and I don’t need to talk to him.

6.) Because I am kind of a prude. I am holding onto my v-card for forever, and while that no longer guarantees survival, it never hurts.

7.) Because I know my lore. If anything wants to try and kill me, it’s welcome to try. Seriously. Freddie Krueger? I’ve seen Inception. COME AT ME, BRO. Some kind of demon? GET THE SALT. Michael Myers? HE IS NO MAN. But I will still stop him because I listen to Donald Pleasence. I don’t really have a game plan for Jason Voorhees, but I’ve never done him wrong, and I’m not overtly immoral, and that will buy me enough time to get away, I think.

8.) Because I am careful with my car. I am not gonna be one of those dumb bitches that gets killed because I didn’t have a gas or a good battery or a spare tire. Also, if the windows are fogged up, I am NOT going near the car. Period.

9.) Because I know better than to piss off a gypsy or shy, nerdy kid or town outcast. I am also smart enough to heed any advice from these types of people, and I know that animals always know when something is up. If the animals are fleeing, so am I.

10.) Because I know that “out the door” is a better escape route than “up the stairs.”

I am an emotional person by nature, but there are certain things that can make me cry, no matter what kind of mood I’m in prior to my interactions with said things. Most of them are moments in books/movies/television because I am a pop culture sponge, but I think a lot of people are like that, so it’s okay.

• The song “Blue” from Cowboy Bebop
• “Here lies Dobby, a Free Elf.”
• Chuck’s narration about the Impala throughout “Swan Song.”
• “It’s okay, Dean. It’s gonna be okay. I’ve got him.”
• Sid and rest of the Skins cast singing “Wild World” at the end of the series one finale.
• Boone’s death in Lost.
• R2D2 getting shot in A New Hope.
• North and South starring Richard Armitage and Daniela Denby-Ashe. Just all of it.
• “Where’s the cat?” (Breakfast at Tiffany’s)
• When Paul goes blind in Dune Messiah